He Wouldn't Come with Me.

He wouldn't come with me tonight.

It's his birthday tomorrow, he'll be nine.

He's growing up. He's a good looking boy and fun to be around.

I picked up Ruby tonight and found J sobbing in his bed. We talked about his party and who was coming, but he was sad.

He started get himself together.

I found his computer, hugged him, asked him to come and stay one more time, then said good bye. 

I'll be at his party tomorrow.

Deflated

We may have gained some ground or lost some tonight.

Jasper is having to adjust to some significant changes. Changes that a typical child would struggle with.

There is a different man living in his house. New people to meet and a hole new series of events to adjust to.

He's a brave boy he's doing ok.

Tonight I had to tell him he needed to listen to Mums new friend. That it used to be just me and mum but now mum needs his help.

Jasper paused then said,"ok".

Sometimes having a black and white approach to life really works. 

Ruby

Ruby is an amazing wee girl. She can hold her own in a fight, believe me. 

She can wind up her brother, push all the buttons and enjoy the results.

She also knows when to stop and help. She's often in the back seat.

Ruby gets by often with a wink, a "thanks Rub's", and the odd afternoon out.

Even at 4 you can still get in a good conversation over a cup cake and a long black.

Ruby has two boy friends... who new?

Do I need to meet their parents?

Jasper's way of approaching life takes up so much head space. It would be easy to forget Ruby's typical approach.

She's fun, expressive, observant, and intuitive. 

I love that my kids get on, help and encourage and like each other.

When Ruby was born I remember thinking she would be Jasper's foil. That she would some how be a calming influence. 

She has been.

Thanks Rub's (wink)

Baggage

Being a Dad with a son on the spectrum can come with some baggage. 

There's always something inside you that asks the question, where did this disorder come from?

You start to look at yourself and your family history and naturally begin to ask questions.

You look for clues and symptoms. You start to wonder whats personality and whats neurological. Whats a talent and whats an obsession?

I'll admit I don't like change, I become un-naturally anxious in new situations, I like knowing whats going to happen next,  I like to go back to the car and check to see if it's locked. I always like to know where my car keys are. I can remember every detail of every house I ever lived in. I find it hard to filter out noise and often find crowds suffocating. I can become completely obsessed with tastes, sounds, textures and I have never forgotten a joke.

Perhaps I'm on the spectrum, maybe we all are in some way.

I've been with my son today.

He's been courteous and kind. I've over heard him encouraging his sister. I've seen him invite a stranger, a handicapped boy into his room to play. I watched him play air guitar in the mirror. I've heard him ask really clever questions. I've seen him be compassionate and mischievous. I've watched him demonstrate grace and love. I've seen him be playful and confident and I've watched being a boy.

I've just been on the porch watching the fantails. I had a thought. Maybe some off the good things about my boy are hereditary as well.